HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
