I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
