first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
