i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
