i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
