Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
