but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
