And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize