Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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