He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
