So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
