cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
