you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
