You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
