I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
