U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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