The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
