Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize