i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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