I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
