Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I party with great urgency now.
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