Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
