someone owes me an orgasm
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
