Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
