You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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