Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
