I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
