I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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