the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
