I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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