its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
