I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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