dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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