i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
