I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
