oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
