Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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