He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
