i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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