If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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