Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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