I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
