literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
