Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize