she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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