mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
