the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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