i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
