My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
