The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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