Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
