she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
