I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
