I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
