i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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