i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
