Pants 0. Shit 1.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
