I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we should paint friendship bongs
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