I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
