i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
