you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
