last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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