Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
