long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
