I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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