i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
