I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
