I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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