Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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