You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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