i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
